Endings and Beginnings

At the beginning of 2018 I was in a terrible place.

My depression was going completely unchecked, I was in a far less than ideal living situation, and I was feeling emotionally and spiritually trapped.

This year many things changed.

I began to get more in touch with my spirituality, I focused on my mental health, and I started setting boundaries. I removed myself from an abusive situation and I went on a trip across the world, mostly in hopes of finding myself. I found so much more than I ever expected.

As I discussed in previous posts, I did not fully escape my depression. Even in some of the most beautiful places in the world I couldn’t fully escape the pull of the tides in my mind.

With that said, being away from all I had ever known and experiencing the world as an anonymous, lone traveler, I was able to remove myself from the context of my life and I realized how much of my suffering is really just a reflection of my human desires to be loved and accepted by those around me. This of course, and the obvious triggers of a dysfunctional family, an abusive household, and the everyday pressures that we all face in life— holding down a job, paying bills, etc.

Though I obviously cannot live the rest of my life in this void of responsibility, experiencing even a short period of complete emotional, physical, and financial freedom helped me realize the things I can and cannot change. This has really helped me put everything into perspective.

Now, at the end of 2018, I am ready for the new year.

When making my annual list of pros and cons of the past year, for the very first time in my life, my list of great moments far outweighed the list of bad ones. I think that’s an amazing way to start the new year.

I hope that 2019 brings us all more adventure, growth, happiness, healing, and all that is good in this world.

 

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